The Illusionist Delusion

Tilton: As the light blue sky came upon a night gone wrong. She fell asleep in a stranger’s arms. Petrified I couldn’t close my eyes. In fear of her heart-stopping if I did. The intoxication levels reached their toxic peak. Every possible human emotion is displayed in a matter of hours. Replaying in my mind like four musical bars on a loop…

A, C, B flat, C, D sharp.

Course the strings of my heart’s symphony.
The consequences of what I accepted and the results that would become…

My thoughts carry the weight of a thousand tons. The time between each step becomes unpredictable. Oh, how I would love to predict these steps and have these answers to my thoughts.

Awake, The look of being lost, but safe. She wonders how long she has been asleep. Six hours my love, but to me felt like six days. Gazing upon her barely dressed body. Skin soft. Luscious. Even at her worst, my infatuation was haunting. She begins to rehash the roller coaster of a night from what she remembers as she washes her guilt away from her face. She leaves.

Sincerity… My enemy. My rival,
Betrayed are my intentions of purity,
Grasp the feeling of revenge,
For doubt has played on your insecurity.

The first time I laid my eyes on her. My heartbeat felt like it was in my throat.
I couldn’t speak. I was weak. Not in the sense of being strong… As love had struck me down by what my eyes have seen. The old, wise saying…

Love at first sight. Her eyes bewitched the strength in my manhood.

Lovely my dear, beauty that I have not recognized in a long day’s sorrow. The breath of air, if she responds to my advances. It would only feel like a million pins striking the lungs of a hot air balloon.

My contempt.

Painlessly I have taken the pill of pain. Brought upon me the grief of life. To whom it may concern… I am the monster portrayed. A satire in the development of injustice. I weep for weeping sake at the cause of the infliction I have caused myself.

To build a bridge. the fight between my heart’s desires. I can not escape the tug of war. Destiny cries out… Please! I beg for a solution. Happiness is the pit in which my heart rots. I ask… I beg, please. Do not put this strain on my life. In the position of self-destruction if love does not agree.

Days passed, my will be done,
Under the hot desert sun,
I rekindle the light from which become,
My spirit endeavor,
Likes of a measure,
Maybe, just maybe I should run.

But running isn’t in my nature.

The phone rings. She does not know the severity of my intentions, but I can’t help but feel like the response to what I am… It isn’t received as the same. Meaning about her.

Viciously a sword makes its way into the conversation. Control for obvious reasons is misplaced. Mistake. Mistake, love, loneliness, and anger.

She says “I have never thought of you in a way that would make me blush at sight.”

I thought to be a master of my feelings, yet I am an amateur with hers. The response to my heart. Enlighten my love. Responded flattery. Feelings of gratitude. She says I never knew your heart’s desire and now I know.

An opening…

Or the slow death of treachery. A, C, B flat, C, D sharp. The cycle has begun. She loves me… She loves me not.

Play the part of my insanity, if you dare. Dressed in a fashion of acceptance.
The power of expression. Naked in the eyes of acceptance. The power of illusion.
Propel a sense of vanity. I am Tilton the magnificent! 

As I walk slowly on the streets of temptation. The stars displayed an unusual sign of regret. As the moon dominates the skies clear intention of forgiveness. The path I walk in is the path of enlightenment. I have walked this path before, many times, to this same destination. But this time there was something else I was pursuing.

I felt my heartbeat get faster as I got closer and closer. A very confident man I am, but I am nervous. The butterflies felt like tiny knives carving the lining of my stomach.

Breathe.

I arrived finally. At the place where she is a servant to those with a taste for high-priced poison. I was dressed in a way she has not seen before. Confidence in displaying attitude, but not arrogance. Who is this woman.?

Dark brown eyes that would tempt the soul of a righteous man. What is she hiding? Tightly soft, her skin. My tongue and lips would perfect the art of a kiss.
Many lovers I have had, but none have the brilliance of these feelings. Fucking psychopath I am with a genuine smile. I wonder what she’s thinking?

My mind is wandering without direction. A passionate buffoon. Pointlessly drunk off the sweet nectar of jealously. Alive I feel having to want. dangerously close to siding with the spirit of deception. Excuse me, love, if I come as what your eyes have not seen.

Eye contact.

You can always tell what a person is feeling by the look in their eyes. She is a great actress or am I an idiot. Such beauty, such deep penetrating beauty. The eyes she has. I would welcome blindness if all I saw were her eyes. Darkness with hope. A belief in guidance. A spiritual connection between trust and fate. Have her eyes blinded me already?

Who am I…  A man who would go to the ends of the world to prove his love.

What am I hiding…

Mistaken my passion for anger. A sleeve of hearts sown into layers of cotton. My voice carrying the weight of danger. Do you ask for normality, my princess? Dare if I were the same as other men? Ha!

She says Hello. A brief conversation. Enough for a quick distraction to satisfy the raging beast that lies dormant inside me. Basic chatter, nods, and smiles.
My greatest marvel. Who is this woman..