Dumb Dumb

Jack: The system is rigged I tell you. The whole fucking system is rigged. For the last two years, I’ve been entered into this drawing every Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday at 7 p.m. And Like clockwork I’m here on time with my dick in my hand looking at a fucking screen and not once have I had my name called.

Thousand and thousands of tickets. And every time I feel… No-no-no. I know that I’m due and I see them… The same ole people winning… It seems that way. I talked to this older Asian lady and she said she won like three times in the last few months… Tell me that isn’t right?..

I wanna speak to a manager. Scumbags. They look at me like I’m crazy. This one time I was on a slot machine and seen some young-looking guy walking around with one of those computers in his hands and he was doing some type of algorithm, type numbers thing on it and I thought he worked for the casino. This fucking guy sat down at a machine across from mine and hit two jackpots. I just was on that fucking machine!

I’m like what the fuck? Does nobody notice this shit??

And sure enough, the slot attendant came by and handed him the money…

I couldn’t believe my eyes. They’re just letting this guy do his thing. The whole thing is a setup. I mean yeah… I won some pots, but not like those fuckers getting a picture taken holding a goddam check the size of an elephant in their hands. Who do these people think they are? Gotta be a setup.

I mean if I won that big I wouldn’t want my picture blasted everywhere.

Yeah… Hey everyone look at me. I just won forty grand… Oh and also I drive a blue Honda Civic and my address where I live is 1221 Go Fuck Yourself street. Area code blow me!

Yeah, I remember when the Neon City had class and gave you comps for the nickels you gambled. Not today. I lost three hundred within thirty minutes and still haven’t seen a cocktail waitress.

All I want is a drink lady… Jez… I don’t even drink alcohol. Just a cranberry juice.

And better yet if I try to get a comp the pit boss will tell me I wasn’t consistently gambling the minimum wage, but it’s ok if I bet a lot at one time. Fucking thieves!

I tell you what… I see more and more people losing than winning. It must be that time of the month where they tighten up the machines. You know the old “we gotta clean” the carpets routine. Yeah, they clean them alright…

Speaking of which… The keno slot machine I play just opened up… I gotta hurry and get it before some moron sits there. There are only two in the whole casino like this and everyone has gotta play it. Let me stick a twenty in… Good vibes! Come on good vibes!

“Cocktails.. Cocktails..” (In the distance)

Yeah over here.. Excuse me miss over here.. Helloo…

Thank you… Yeah, I like a cranberry juice no ice.

“Sir you must be playing the minimum of 20 cents to get a free drink”

How many times have you served me… I just put money in.. Look here.. There are 20 cents played in the machine.

“I’m just doing my job sir… You said cranberry juice right?”

Yeah, Cran..berry… Juice. No ice, please.

Can you believe the nerve… For twenty years I’ve been gambling at the El Cortez. Twenty years.

Ok… Where was I? Ah yes my number… Let’s go with the 4… The 19… The 32… I like the 7…

(A young male walks up to him, but Jack pays no attention)

“Hey, can I get a smoke off you?..”

Let’s play the 78, and the…

“Hey, can I please get a cigarette off, you man..”

(Jack ignores him and the young man gets angry)

“Hey what the fuck I’m talking to you”

(Jack turns to him sternly)

“Do I look like I fucking smoke fuck face! Did you somehow observe me lighting a cigarette as you sat over there sizing me up with your ass hanging out and your hair barely brushed? Get lost kid.”

(Just as the young man goes to make a move towards Jack, A security guard steps in and grabs the young man)

Jack says “Thank you… Thank you. A real bad element coming into this casino. A bunch of mooks! I tell ya.

Where was I… Ah yes… I like the 17, the 25 and the 22. Come on big money! Let me see an 8 spot hit!!